Flying in Circles

As I was driving to work this week, I passed a flock of birds. They were flying in one direction, then turned altogether, then turned again, until it became apparent that they were flying around in big circles above the turnpike. My first thought was that birds are dumb and they were sure wasting a lot of energy flying around in circles instead of moving in the direction they were supposed to be migrating. Then the spirit reminded me of a commentary I read recently about Psalm 128 where it says "your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house...". The author (Rachel Jankovic) talks about what it looks like for a wife to bear good fruit. She uses the illustration of an apple tree that produces so much good fruit that much of it falls to the ground and rots because there are not enough people around to gather it. She says this about our fruit:

"While it is on our branches, it is our life work. It is an offering to God, and we ought to care intensely about the quality of our fruit. But the branches are our responsibility; the ground is not." She then goes on to encourage us that we can be certain God will use all our fruit - even if it looks to us like it's just sitting on the ground rotting. "So throw it out there on the ground when you have no plan for its future.", she says. "Waste it."

By this point I had driven under the bird circle and could no longer see them flying around in my rearview mirror. I wasn't sure if they had moved on or not. And I was left with this thought: How arrogant I am to accuse those birds of wasting their energy - especially from my vantage point! I did not see what happened earlier to cause them to fly in that circle, and I can't seem them anymore to see what happened afterwards.

God gives me the energy I need each day. There are plenty of days I want more than He gives, and there are days when I feel I wasted my energy flying around in circles because there is still so much that needs to be done. But if God is directing my steps then the problem isn't the circles, the problem is my vantage point.

Thank You For Obeying

I set the table for dinner. Maybe it's because eating at the table is sort of a new thing for us, but we don't really have assigned seats. This particular evening, Layna climbed up into the chair I often sit in and told me (nicely) to go sit on the bench which is one of her two favorite spots. I grinned and walked around to sit on the bench, switching our plates to our new seats. As we started eating, she said something I wasn't expecting: "Mommy, thank you for obeying".

My first thought was "well, yeah. She's saying what she hears me say." And moreover, she understands when I say it - I make it a point to thank her often when she obeys me with a right heart. My second thought (really even before I was done thinking through the first one) was "uh-oh - I've got a 2 year old that thinks I should obey her".

I clarified that God says children need to obey their parents but parents do not need to obey their children. And then as we ate, I started thinking... Should I not have sat here? Should I tell her no when she asks me to do something so that she can learn she doesn't make the rules? That seemed a bit silly - I will have to tell her no plenty of times, but there's no reason to say no just because she is the one who asked. Then the Lord brought this scripture to mind: "For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:8-11

It clicked. I continued my explanation I started before. "Do you know why I sat on the bench? It wasn't because I have to obey you, it's because I love you. I love to see you smile. It makes me happy to give you something or do something that will make you happy. Sometimes I can't do what you ask because even though you think it will make you happy, it will end up hurting you. But because I love you so much, I do what you ask when I can."

blind obedience

last night layna wanted to play instead of go to bed. we patiently worked through the tantrum, and then i got to look into tear-stained eyes and say "i love you so much that i'm going to do what is best for you, even if it's not what you want." i didn't try to explain beyond that, because i know that given her state it would only make the situation harder for her. crazy how sometimes calling us to step out in blind obedience is the most loving thing our abba can do.

Being Wrong

Well, the world didn't end last weekend. There were countless rapture jokes thrown around last week and a whole new set this week. There is also a really good letter going around to the Christians that believed Camping's prediction. I have one more thought I'd like to add.

God works all things together for the good of those that love Him, including this. It is His great mercy that when His children believe a lie, He doesn't leave us there. He humbles us and shows us the truth. There have been plenty of times in my life where I have believed wrongly and the Lord corrected me. I'm sure there are many more to come. This particular correction involves a lot of public ridicule, and Satan specializes in converting humility to shame. But shame is a lie as well. There is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ. Go on knowing that Christ is refining you, slowly and painfully at times, into the image of His son. By showing you where you believed a lie, He is blessing you with more of Himself. I know because He's doing it in my life, too.

Free To Pursue

At my church they talk about being free to pursue Christ.  They say that since there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1), that frees us up to pursue relationship with Him.  That makes some sense to me... if we are in Christ then we are free to pursue Him with all that we have, and even if we make a huge mess of things, even if we fail, we are covered by grace.  But the more I think about that, the less sense it makes.  If I am truly pursuing Christ with all I have, then I will not fail.  He promises that if I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me.  So then... why do I have to be free of the fear of condemnation in order to pursue Him?

Over the past week He has laid on my heart a beautiful analogy of this idea.  I am watching my daughter grow from a baby into a little girl.  She is learning how to communicate her ideas, how to be an adult by mimicking the things we do, how to be independent.  Hopefully, by God's grace, she is also growing in obedience and a desire for righteousness.  None of these things happen quickly, most of them we (Lord willing) will get 18 or so years to teach her.

For a while now, she has been really trying to learn how to jump.  She can't get her feet off the ground,  so she basically starts walking quickly, takes a few funny looking steps, and announces with joy "I'M JUMPING!"  Our response is tremendously important.  We could tell her that no, she did not, in fact, jump.  That her performance did not measure up.  We could tell her she looks ridiculous.  But we would never say such things.  Instead, we clap our hands and say "YAY!".  We jump around like dorks along side her.  Why?  Because we want her to keep doing that step thinking she looks like Spud Webb?  No.  We respond that way because she is making progress.  Because we know that in an environment where she is having fun and is free from condemnation, she will keep trying, keep pursuing her goal, keep improving with each try.  That is how she will learn to jump.

This is what it means to be free to pursue Christ.  I have one day where I have a small victory over my sin.  One time where I die to self and let the Spirit live in me.  One time where I get up early to spend time with the Lord rather than sleeping in.  One time where I respond graciously to my husband instead of being a jerk.  I am falling so far short of Christ's standard for me, yet I pray the spiritual equivalent of "Thank you God, I'm JUMPING!  You gave me strength and I JUMPED!"  The enemy responds with "You didn't jump.  You took two ridiculous looking steps around the coffee table."  But my Abba responds "YAY!!!"  He puts those around me who model jumping more correctly so that through the Spirit's conviction I can learn from them.  He is constantly pushing me towards righteousness so that someday I will not call this jumping.  But there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  I am free to grow into righteousness despite the fact that perfect righteousness is demanded of me by a just God.  I have this freedom because it was purchased for me by Christ on the cross.  I am free to pursue Him.

No Fear

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.  He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."  Jeremiah 17:7-8

 i am free of fear not because i know bad times will not befall me.  i am free of fear because i know even bad times will produce good fruit.

I know the plans I have for you...

I am learning to quilt and recently took on a new project.  I picked out my pattern and my fabrics and was excited to get started.  I got home, prewashed, ironed, cut, sewed, and as of yesterday I am looking at just two of the fabrics together and to be honest they look awful.  I have completely lost sight of the big picture and the only thing keeping me sewing this ugly quilt is the fact that I know there is a plan.  I had a vision of what the finished product would look like, there in the fabric store, and I trust that even though I can’t see it today, once I get all the fabrics in in the right proportions, I will have created something beautiful.  This is in contrast to other art projects I have started with no (or at best, a very loosely defined) master plan.  A great percentage of the time, those turn out really badly.

So I am staring at an ugly green and tan square, and find myself praising God that he has a master plan.  Even when I am stuck in the details of earthly things that feel so permanent, even when I can’t see how all around me is working together for my good, even when I don’t understand why I have to go through things that hurt.  He has a plan, he promises that it’s good, and he promises that he will complete it instead of just giving up on this mess of awful looking fabric.  He made sure to write all these things in His word, because He knew I would need to be told, and then reminded over and over and over.

 ¹⁰"For thus says the LORD:^(A) When seventy years are completed for Babylon,^(B) I will visit you,^(C) and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. ^11(D) For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare^[a] and not for evil,^(E) to give you a future and a hope. ^12(F) Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. ^13(G) You will seek me and find me, when you seek me^(H) with all your heart. ¹⁴I will be found by you, declares the LORD,^(I) and I will restore your fortunes and^(J) gather you from all the nations and all the places^(K) where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.  –Jeremiah 29:10-14